Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Donut Ninjas


Has it ever happened to you? You have some delicious morsel waiting for you in the fridge...but someone else gets to it first.

My particular food item was a Bavarian donut. Quite possibly the greatest pastry ever conceived. Who took my precious you are wondering?

Ninjas.

I know what you are thinking. Why would ninjas go through thetrouble to steal a donut? Who knows what sinister plot I'm unraveling here.

The really unsettling part is that I noticed someone stole half the donut. When I came back a little while later...the rest was gone!

Ninjas.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Empty Soda Bottle

Sitting here trying to think of something to write about began to drive me crazy. Then I saw it. A muse had come from the least likely place imaginable.

It sat on my desk, minding it's own business. Innocently. Then of course I began to think.

"Can I write about that?" I asked myself.
"It's my blog. Fuck 'Em".

So there's this empty soda bottle sitting on my desk. It occurs to me that there is a lot more to this simple piece of trash than meets common thought.

If you were to think of the empty bottle as a person some interesting thoughts occur. We'll call him Mr. Pop Bottle.

Mr. Pop Bottle would have to be very wealthy. He is sponsored by a major drink company. He is seen in film as well as on television which would not only add to his wealth but also make him quite famous. There is hardly a person who hasn't heard of him and nearly everyone has paid for the refreshment that he brings at some point. He also has no worries about the afterlife as it is ensured that he will be reincarnated in some fashion (recycled).

Internationally famous, extremely wealthy. Not a bad combination. Starting to wish I was Mr. Pop Bottle.

Now that we've looked around at the glamorous life of Mr. Pop Bottle we should also take a look at the downside.

He gets blamed for making some people fat. People use him then throw him away. If he isn't uncomfortably cold no one wants anything to do with him. No sense of individuality as he has lots of siblings that look and are just like him (even on the inside!). He always feels empty. No sex organs so he couldn't even pay for a blowjob if we wanted.

Hmmm. Now I'm thinking how good it is not being Mr. Pop Bottle.